Your New Vibrator

I posted this during the summer of 2017 as I was in somewhat of a transition period and needed to upgrade to something that wasn’t on the brink of death.  I got a lot of praise from people on how entertaining the post was but when I asked if they were interested I was met with a “Ho brah” followed by laughter.  Anyway, I sold it for $500 with a regular ad, this one was more of an ode to my 2003 Pontiac Vibe anyway.  I know wherever it is, it’s still running.

Your New Vibrator

This 2003 Pontiac Vibe has given me so much more than a machine to get from A to B, it’s given me a friend. The vibrator, like the island of Hawaii, is steeped in cultural history from the many people who have driven it around. Sure it has some battle scars but who doesn’t? We all carry around the pain from the past, most of us are ashamed to admit it, but not the Vibe. The Vibe doesn’t judge, it doesn’t care who you are, what you’ve done, it just keeps on running (somehow) despite the lack of maintenance. Looking for a car with heart? Look no further.

Some people would be embarrassed to drive this car because they’re insecure. But you have confidence. You don’t need the respect of other human beings. You march to the beat of your own drum. You are probably desperately in need of a vehicle and strapped for cash. Or you want to enter a demolition derby. Vibe don’t care, it accepts you for who you are.

The Vibe also doesn’t have AC because its heart is not made of ice. It provides a warm, comfortable ride that will envelop you and hug you like your dad never did. The radio works in most places and the fact that you can’t see what station you’re listening to (broken LCD) opens your horizons to all different types of music you wouldn’t have listened to otherwise. What other car will recommend music and introduce you to new life experiences? Not a single one except the Vibe.

Full disclosure, Vibe was sideswiped by a fugitive during a high-speed chase which sheared off part of the left side (seriously) but man, what a story! I will transfer rights of that story to you (for FREE) with purchase of the vehicle. You can tell everybody that it happened to you and I will admit to all of my friends and family that I am a shameless liar who made it up because I needed something interesting to say. Again, included at NO CHARGE.

The tires are all there and I have no idea how old they are but they work and haven’t exploded yet (huge plus). This car has gotten me all around this island for the past 2 years and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t sad to see it go. We’ve been through a lot of shit together so the next owner has to promise to treat it with the respect it’s earned from lasting so long. Like Destiny’s Child, this car is a survivor. It’s not gon’ give up. It’s not gon stop (what), unless you hit the brakes, which are functional.

You’re on a budget because the cost of living here is insane, so why not get a car with some character? Your friends will be all “Jesus why did you buy this piece of shit?” But you’ll know deep down that the vibe understands you, and gives you something they don’t, loyalty.

Are you looking for more than a car? Are you looking for a soulmate? Vibe is your car. Come test drive it and see if you guys hit it off.

What works:

  • The windshield wipers
  • Engine
  • Radio (but not LCD)
  • 3 out of 4 door handles (which are brand new as it didn’t come with door handles)
  • The trunk’Windows all roll down
  • The gas cap/tank
  • Cup holders
  • Seats
  • Side view mirrors
  • Headlights
  • Steering wheel
  • Pedals
  • Seat belts

What doesn’t work:

  • A/C
  • LCD on the radio dial
  • Back windshield wipers (who cares?)
  • It’s out of wiper fluid because I’m lazy but if you fill it back up it will workAsking $1,000 OBO

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